AN INVITATION FROM

THE ‘WRITING4HEALING’ THERAPY TEAM

Dear Survivor

Being told by your long-term partner that they don't love you any more is one of the worst traumas that can happen to anyone. And refusing to tell you why makes it even worse. Worse still is your partner telling you they are in love with someone else and are setting up home with them. Even worse is the day they leave. There you are, really alone - or maybe alone with the children. How would you describe yourself? Not as a survivor. Perhaps more like a victim?

You become a Survivor when you join Desertion Survivors and discover that you're not really alone. There are thousands in the same boat as you, struggling with all kinds of horrible feelings - grief, betrayal, anger, fear, abandonment, failure to name just a few. You also discover that your fellow Survivors really wish you well, want to give you the benefit of their experience, assure you that you are not a failure and that your bad feelings will diminish in time, so hang on... The help that Desertion Survivors can offer is priceless.

But is Survival enough? Is it enough just to get your old life back? Some Survivors are still waiting for their partner to come home, even though they know they've remarried. Is it possible that what you thought was the worst trauma of your life could turn out to be a new beginning? You could move on from being a Survivor to a Self-Actualiser. The opportunity is there if you're willing to try it.

You can move on with the help of a powerful new form of therapy known as writing therapy. Right now you may think it highly unlikely that, simply through writing, you could become a happier, more fulfilled, more peaceful person than maybe you've ever been. With the Writing4Healing Programme you will learn that writing is a most effective way to ease your distress, to acquire a deeper understanding of the way your life has gone and to receive our skilled professional help in moving forward. And please be assured that everything you tell us is in the strictest confidence. If you still feel unsure about confidentiality, you can register an alternative e-mail address free of charge with your server and simply make a fresh application.

The Writing4Healing 12-Week Programme comprises a series of carefully formulated Writing Assignments, tailored to your personal situation, based on your answers to our Questionnaires. Using this uniquely formulated and monitored therapy programme we will take you through 3 stages:

First through Facing your Pain to where you can begin to think again, and get back some control of your life.

The second stage involves Facing your Past, where you will learn to look at the reality of your partnership, of your ex-partner and yourself.

In the third, Facing your Future, you should begin to value your strengths and start ‘rebuilding’ your life.

You may also think that exchanging weekly e-mails with an unknown therapist lacks the intimacy of personal contact with a counsellor. There is some truth in that. But you will find that, with this new therapy, we develop our own kind of intimacy. Plus there are some special advantages:

You can do the Writing4Healing Therapy Programme from the privacy of your own home and in your own time, day or night.

It takes just a few hours a week.

You are free not to answer any questions you choose.

Because we both remain anonymous you will certainly feel much freer in disclosing sensitive private information.

You take it in Modules - 4 weeks, 8 weeks and 12 weeks - and can make it as long or short as you want.

To learn more about the Writing Therapy approach, go onto Google and type in ‘therapeutic writing’. You will find there is scientific evidence that writing down your deepest feelings not only reduces your pain and opens your mind but actually improves your physical and mental health. Even the experts can only guess why it works. But it does.

This Invitation is made by the Writing4Healing therapy team. We are a group of senior UK Analytical Psychotherapists who have become so impressed by the use of writing as an effective new therapy that we offer the first four weeks absolutely free, with no strings attached. How else could you decide if Writing Therapy works for you?

If, at the end of the first 4 weeks, or before, you wish to complete the programme and get the full benefit, write to This e-mail address is being protected from spambots, you need JavaScript enabled to view it . for simple instructions how to pay. The fee for the following eight weeks ('Facing the Past' and Facing the Future') is £240.

To qualify for our programme you don’t need to be a practised writer: you just need the courage to be honest with yourself, to face reality and to work at it.

We look forward to hearing from you.

Yours sincerely

Pat (for Writing4Healing)

How will I know if I'm suffering from emotional consequences of trauma?

Symptoms can include any or all of the following :

• • Despair, hopelessness, low spirits,sudden tears
  • Anxiety, panic attacks, fear, irritability
  • Anger, resentment, chronic indecision
  • A feeling of numbness
  • Difficulty concentrating
  • Obsessional thoughts or behaviour
  • Unexplained pain, skin disorders, loss of weight or appetite.
  • Feelings of being unable to cope with everyday life
  • Low energy
  • Nightmares, sleep disturbance
  • Flashbacks
  • Avoidance of anything that reminds you of a traumatic event
  • Feelings of guilt and/or shame
  • Self-harm, drug or alcohol abuse, etc.

We all feel some of these symptoms at difficult times in our lives - they usually fade away and life gets back to normal. But what if they don't fade away but keep coming back? That's where Writing4Healing could help.

You might want to check this out with your GP Practice, in which case we invite you to print this page and show it to them.

Writing4Healing - frequently asked questions

Writing4Healing is a programme of Writing Therapy devised by an analytic psychotherapist of more than thirty years' experience.

What is Writing Therapy?

Writing Therapy was developed relatively recently and, for reasons not yet fully understood, is proving a valuable aid to managing all sorts of life difficulties, including emotional, physical and mental trauma. Not only can it help you to become calmer, more focused and more optimistic, it has actually been shown to boost the immune system and is being used in the management of conditions such as cancer and multiple sclerosis. It is a form of 'distance therapy' - that is, your therapy is conducted via email.

Writing to a stranger - isn't that rather impersonal?

Actually, not. The questions you are asked and the responses you receive tell you your therapist is trained to understand and really wants you to understand.

How do I remain anonymous?

For your own peace of mind and security, we suggest that all your correspondence to and from Writing4Healing goes through a dedicated email account to which only you have access. You can use one of the free services such as Hotmail or Yahoo and take any assumed name you like as your email address. It is not necessary for us to know your real name unless you wish to tell us.

What will I be asked to do?

You will be asked to complete an interesting, stimulating mixture of Questionnaires and Writing Assignments which will take you -

firstly through Facing your Pain, to the point where you can begin to think again;
secondly to Facing your Past, where you can begin to look at the reality of your marriage, of your ex-partner and yourself;
and thirdly to Facing your Future, and beginning to rebuild your life.

Because we all have different lives and experience things in different ways, Writing Therapy is tailored to suit your own needs. The program is guided by your therapist but responds to the direction in which your written thoughts take it.

So it's like posting on Desertion Survivors?

Not exactly; sharing your thoughts and emotions with others on the website is certainly therapeutic, but Writing Therapy is confidential so you can feel free to disclose your experiences and innermost concerns in the knowledge that only your therapist will see them. In the same way, the Writing4Healing programme is ideal for people who don't feel comfortable with the prospect of talking face to face with a therapist.

I already keep a journal - isn't that the same thing?

If you already keep a journal, you will understand what a release it can be to write your thoughts and feelings down. Yes, you will be asked to keep a journal by Writing4Healing. But that is just one element of the therapy program, albeit a very important one, because it will be something you may wish to continue when you have completed the course. Your other Assignments will encourage you to explore beyond your immediate bad feelings and gain a greater understanding of how you have arrived at this point in your life, what is happening to you right now, and how you can get yourself onto the path you want to take for the future.

I'm over the worst so what would Writing Therapy do for me?

Even if you have travelled a long way on your journey, it's always useful to have help moving on from where you are now. Writing Therapy is not only very valuable in coming to terms with the initial trauma of a relationship breaking down, it can also help you to understand your potential and make the best choices for yourself in the future. Because the therapy is tailored to your individual needs, it will take account of where you started from and where you can get to in the rest of your life.

Will I be expected to do any study?

Not really. Writing Therapy is all about expressing your own thoughts and feelings in a way that makes them more comprehensible to you. In writing your answers to the questions Writing4Healing asks you, you discover just how much you already know and understand. Your therapist may occasionally offer you some personal insight or ask you to Google a phrase or subject to stimulate your thoughts. But there are no set texts. Writing4Healing can, if you wish, recommend books if you would like to follow up with some further reading.

I don't know if I have time...

Writing Therapy, by its very nature, can be fitted into even the busiest of lives. You can work anywhere, at any time - in your lunch-break, after the children have gone to bed, at the weekend, whenever you choose. You can write as much or as little as you want, and take whatever time you wish – an hour a week or every day. As you get used to receiving Assignments, you will find that you think through your answer as you go about your daily life and by the time you sit down to write, you will know just what you want to say. You are free to decline questions you don't wish to answer.

Do I write well enough?

The answer to this is always... yes! Writing Therapy is about what you say, not how you say it. Remember, although you are exchanging weekly emails with Writing4Healing, the most important person you are writing for is you; as long as you understand and gain benefit from what you've written, it is plenty good enough.

How much does Writing4Healing cost?

Such is the Writing4Healing team's belief in Writing Therapy that they are working with Desertion Survivors on a voluntary basis, so there is no charge for the initial four week program.

Beyond that, you can choose to explore your life even further by continuing Writing Therapy on a modular basis, paying for each module at a time. Further details are available direct from Writing4Healing.

I'm outside the UK - does that mean I'm not eligible?

Writing4Healing's invitation to free Writing Therapy is offered first and foremost to registered Desertion Survivors members living in the UK. This is purely for reasons of numbers - you will appreciate that they would be unable to offer therapy to everyone simultaneously! However, applications from members outside the UK are warmly welcomed and Writing4Healing will be happy to consider them.

How do I apply?

You can apply to W4H for the free four week program of Writing Therapy by This e-mail address is being protected from spambots, you need JavaScript enabled to view it \n - we look forward to hearing from you.

Keeping a Journal

As well as completing written assignments and questionnaires, an important element of Writing4Healing is keeping a journal; it's a simple thing to do but helpful in so many ways.

• Relieves stress - carrying around bad feelings allows them to play on your mind; writing them down in a journal lets you offload your 'baggage' and clear your mind

  Helps you to focus - sometimes just thinking clearly is a challenge; putting your feelings down in words helps you to see why you are staying in the same place emotionally and can stop an endless cycle of obssessive thoughts.

  Improves your wellbeing - writing down what has happened to you and how it makes you feel can be painful at first but ultimately very calming and empowering. Therapeutic writing has been shown to boost the immune system which is why it is used in the management of conditions such as cancer and multiple sclerosis.

  Creates 'you' time - keeping a journal gives you permission to take some quiet time alone to think about yourself, your feelings and your responses to your life's events. 'You' time can be as long or as short as you wish but is always valuable.

  Records your progress - sometimes recovering from physical, mental or emotional trauma can feel like two steps forward then one step back. However, the overall trend is forward and having your journal to re-read on difficult days will remind you how much progress you've made.

  Acts as a sounding board - your journal is the ultimate non-judgmental listener; you can tell it things that you can't even discuss with your closest loved ones and it will always be accepting and help you to see things in perspective.

  Handwritten or typed?

This is a matter of personal preference - a notebook and pen mean you can write anywhere, any time but it could be that you feel more at ease working on your computer and password-protecting your journal. Try both and see which suits you best.

What shall I write?

Your journal is a place to record your thoughts and feelings - to be really effective, aim to recreate those feelings in words so you actually experience them again. This sounds upsetting and yes, it can be very emotional but this is part of the healing process and soon passes.

Tips for keeping a journal

• • Experiment with writing in the form of a letter; you can write to yourself, to a person who is dominating your thoughts, to your loved ones, to an unknown observer or even to an inanimate object which is significant to you.
  • Occasionally, try setting yourself a time - say, fifteen minutes - and write without stopping for that long.
  • Keep a pen and paper by your bedside for times when you can't sleep - lying awake with unhappy and troubling thoughts is one of the commonest symptoms of trauma and being able to write them down clears your head and allows your mind to settle so that you can sleep.
  • Write down whatever you can remember of your dreams - people, places, events, colours, how you felt, whether the characters in your dream were recognisable and how they were behaving, what order things happened in, whether there are recurring events. Don't try to analyse them, just write them down as you remember them.
  • Aim for plenty of sentences beginning with "I feel..."
  • Be honest - your journal is for you, and you know what's true and what isn't.
  • Consider your journal a friend in whom you confide, not a chore.
  • Grammar, spelling and punctuation don't matter so write what is in your mind exactly as it flows onto the page.